Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
