That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
