mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
