he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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