whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
