Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I cockslap morals
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
