True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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