I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can't just leave with hair like that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
