I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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