Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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