Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
