Nicole vs. Life
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
