Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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