I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
