i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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