So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
