Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
