I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
