My nipple is on Facebook.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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