oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You can't special order awesome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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