woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
