i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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