The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
