I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
