This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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