This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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