Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
