She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
