exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
