my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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