I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
