This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
