Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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