i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
