I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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