its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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