Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
