for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
