you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
