all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
