It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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