Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
