i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
