Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize