maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
