what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't put those talents on a resume
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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