Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
