she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
