Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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