You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
