Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
