So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
