Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
