Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
