At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
