i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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