i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
