Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
