Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
