You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
