Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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