so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
