You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
