you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
