Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
