that's an acceptable place to lick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
