The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize