I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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