the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
