Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
