The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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