Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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